Benefits Agency....Re get WORKING AGAIN
This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old
Pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
They hired him because he was so funny.
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place ? would I?
DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony
Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens
and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here
would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday
Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits
and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles away.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Oh yes, absolutely
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