I am friendly ( if not friends ) with almost ALL of the people i went out with.
The only person i know i could never be friends with is my husband.
Id be civil to him for the sake of the kids ( if he bothered his arse to see them ) but i couldnt be friends , as i still have very strong feelings for him and i think i always will.
Would hurt too much to be his friend.
I moved away from my exs so don't really have many dealings with them. I chat to one ex I had at the age of 13 (same guy at 17 too), but when he gets drunk he starts rabbiting online about how much he still loves me etc etc, so maybe I ought to drop that "friendship".
As for the father of my kids, I wouldn't p*** on him if I was on fire. It cost me close to £8000 to divorce him because he consistently lied in court and accused me of all sorts, even though I proved every single word I said was true by legal means and solid evidence, and disproved every lie he told by the same legal and legit means.
He has contact with the kids but they don't want to see him because he's not worth their time. He solves it by paying them £6 a week to go see him, if they don't see him, they don't get the money. He also tries to make extra contact dates with the kids behind my back by telling them they won't get Xmas pressies/birthday pressies unless they agree to see more of him.
So anyone who says I ought to be friends with the pr*ck for the sake of the kids will get a smack around the head with my baseball bat...
I have never kept in touch with the rest of my exs because I was never that close to them to begin with, so we always just drifted.
I did get back in touch with one ex about five years after a particularly acrimonious split, and we managed to clear the air. I have never been back in touch with him yet, but at least I know the waters are calm between us
I suppose it depends on the relationship. Personally, I don't see the point in staying friends. Civil, yes sometimes, but not friends.
I suffered both physical and mental damage at the hands of my ex. He was a also a compulsive liar with extreme mood swings, although these charming traits didn't emerge in their full glory until some years later. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, but for the sake of our daughter I am forced to maintain contact with the arseh*le.
In a bid to try and come to terms with the whole experience and to occupy my mind, I began a part-time Psychology degree through the Open University some years ago. I am now in my 5th year and going strong. When it's completed, I plan to use it.. and my experiences... to help and understand others caught up in the same kind of "rabbit-in-headlights" terror.
He's recently been dianosed with Schizophrenia. At least 15 years overdue, in my opinion. It raises seversal dilemmas for me in relation to my daughter who wants to stay there this Summer. I may have to tell her.... and am dreading it.
I too am doing psychology as part of a BA Hons Social Sciences, I am starting my final year in October.
Same story with me, violent ex, beat the kids and me for years. Six years on from leaving him, he still stalks the kids and me, makes things extremely difficult. I have had to change my landline and mobile number 5x because he has always managed to get hold of the number from somewhere. If someone ran him down tomorrow, I wouldn't waste a tear for him and the 12 miserable years I spent with him. And yet, he will happily tell anyone who will listen, that I have made all the abuse up and he hopes we can still be friends - just goes to show he lives on another planet. Sorry, but would anyone really want to be friends with someone who beat them, and tried to kill them and their kids? I think not!
madcat your situation sounds truly *disturbing* - thats no way to live a life
if i were in your position i would MOVE far far away from him
Unfortunately, I can't afford to move, and the kids don't want to move away from their friends.
You would have thought since it's six years since we left him, he would have moved on with his life. I mean, he has had new girlfriends (beaten most of them, and the women's kids have been at risk too).
Another problem moving further away would be the ex would just go to my family's homes and harass and threaten them until they told him where we were. Then we would get it ten times worse for thinking we could get away. Court could jail me for stopping contact if I didn't keep up contact between ex and the kids, so even if we moved 200 miles away, legally, I would still have to do half the travelling towards contact, ie. 200 miles at a time, which I couldn't afford to do, since he rarely pays child support, which often leaves me living below income support levels.
you should go to the police/cab/social about the stalking/harrassment if its bad
yeah i suppose moving is a bit drastic if its peaceful in the main
maybe you will meet someone soon who will be able to help you deal with it all/sort it once and for all
maybe with a bit of luck he will emigrate lol
best of luck
x
Hope so, Emma. Doc has prescribed me with antidepressants last month because he says I am suffering from (and here was me thinking it was straightforward depression) - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the marriage and from being abused by my dad up to the age of 17. Counselling helps, but it doesn't help when my mind runs through it when I am dreaming, end up waking with panic attacks - no wonder I look like sh*t.
The kids and me try and laugh about it as much as we can - the black humour is often all we can do to deal with it.
The police refuse to help because the ex isn't threatening or violent at the moment, although he has been in the past. According to my doc, he says to get the MP involved, he will force the police to take action. Just trying to get an appointment with the MP now.
best of luck with the MP
it does sound like you need a satisfactory ending to all this cr ap
its not right at all
x
I can relate to your situation so much MadCatwoman. It's also gr8 to meet a fellow Psychology student and good luck with it !!
Have you kept a diary of all the times he harrasses you ? I began to keep notes of my ex-husbands behaviour... mostly in relation to our daughter though. It then gave me some kind of back-up if I needed help from the police.
Also, have you thought about seeking an injunction against your ex-husband, with the power of arrest ? A solicitor will be able to tell you what kind of protection that gives you, but basically if/when he continues with his present behaviour... an injunction will prevent him from coming anywhere near you or your children.. because if he does, he gets arrested immediately and without question
This does not mean he can't see his children. It just gives you the controls instead of him. You can then liaise with a solicitor for him to have supervised visits with his children in some kind of controlled environment. if necessary.
As for Income Support, I understand that they have a scheme where his maintenance is paid directly to them and not to you, so that if he doesn't pay it some weeks, you still get your money from them and it is then their job to pursue him because they are now losing out instead.
You can get a Fixed Fee Interview with a solicitor if you are in receipt of Income Support. It used to be £5, but may have gone up a little.
Don't live your life in fear girly...
I can relate to everything you say, believe me and hope I've been able to help a little.
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