Why Teachers DRINK!

[JanetB]

I received this on my FB wall:

Attachment 33980

?ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds).............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

[NuttyKrafts]

PMSL! That's priceless

[kreativebargains]

I used to work in a college, teaching up to degree level, and can confirm this is the standard. Actually some of these show some signs of intelligence.

A colleague did have one brilliant verbal answer from a student, not in an exam. There is no smoking allowed in the buildings or near the entrances, with numerous signs stating clearly 'NO SMOKING'. This colleague asked a student who was smoking while actually leaning on the sign "what do you think you're doing, can't you read?", the student looked round, took a large drag on his cigarette and said, "irony".

For the bad examples, every year I saw brilliant ones and meant to start logging them, alas I never got round to it so they are lost to humanity.

Another regular occurance is plaigiarism, and I have had students argue until they are blue in the face that all 2500 words that are identical to something online are actually their own work. It really makes you look forward to the future when they are running things.

[damian_steele]

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

No, they weren't and no they aren't.

This is one of thse lists that has been doing the rounds for a long time. It dates back to at least 2002 and supposedly has answers given during GCSE's, SATs, GEDs and other unnamed exams from various countries around the world.

And the worst thing of all is that the people who really gave these answers are now in our government!

[gbsbks2010]

Extremely funny, had me spluttering!!!!

[Tropical_Trish]

Oh, .... , found this sooo funny! Burst out laughing, drink all over the place