Things you never see on Star Trek

[Paulwillhappy]

Things that never happen on Star Trek !!

Its an old one from Last Year..................But its Christmas !!!!!!

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1) The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered before.

2) The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists who are all perfectly all right.

3) The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.

4) The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.

5) The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.

6) An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.

7) A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.

8 ) A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.

9) The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.

10) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.

11) The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.

12) The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.

13) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify with sweets.

14) The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century.

15) Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.

16) A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.

17) The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.

18) The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day

19) An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noteing that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."

20) A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.

21) Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."

22) Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!

23) Picard walks up to a replicator and says, "Coke on ice."

24) Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.

25) Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.

26) Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"

27) When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."

28) Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.

29) Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).

30) Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.

31) Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).

32) The warp engines start acting up a bit, but then seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.

33) Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.

34) Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.

35) Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.

36) Data falls in love with the replicator.

37) Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode. [or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and does not fall in love. -psl]

38) The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.

39) An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.

40) Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.

41) Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.

42) Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt. (Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)

43) Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.

44) Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics

45) Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the day.

46) The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.





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47) Geordie modifies his visor to see straight through womens clothing

48) The Enterprise 1701D travels through a Time Warp back to Thames television in 1975. Benny Hill Slaps captain Pickard on the Head during their first encounter.

49) The Borg assimilates a "Nyphomaniac" And does not fit her with a Dilithium powered Sex Toy on her left arm?

50) Mr Worf blocks the Bog after a heavy night of "Carg & Romulan Ale"



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51. Somebody goes to the toilet.

52. then complains to Dr. Crusher about piles.


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53) Patrick Stewart Leaves Wife then long term Girlfriend in favour of 29 Year Old Blonde, Then Winges he wants a Part in the "Producers" In the West End !!

[Stu_Millard]

So true, so very very true!

Millard to Enterprise; Emergency beam out!

[Paulwillhappy]

Hi Stu,

How you been........I've seen you pop now and again.

Merry Christmas.............I think the K T ers are making themselves at home !

And a very nice home its turning out to be. I think the Bells and Whistle will be turned on as time passes. From what was happening here over the last few weeks there were complaints of Viruses & Trojans etc.

We as a family have had to contend with Major Sh*t since i set up the Home Network about 2 Weeks ago.

I've now installed McAfee Firewall & Virus Checker proper on all the PC's & Laptops here..............The funny thing is it was with AOL broadband all along !! The Firewall Hacker Locater thingy is the best fun the Family has has in ages. Its great when your 12 year old son tells the Grandparents that we are hunting Hackers...........My parents in their 70's think they are some kind of Pest that lives in the Woods next to our House ?????

Kids are Great.....

Have you settled into your house? Its your 2nd Christmas isn't it ?

[Stu_Millard]

Morning mate - yep, 2nd Chrimbo in the new house, although it's practically going to be the first proper one - everything was still in boxes last year! All settled in now and rattling on with decorating!

Know what you mean about networks. Mine keeps getting put together and taken apart as people call to "borrow" equipment whilst theirs is in for repair - it's like putting together a new infrastructure every month! Sometimes wireless networking, sometimes cabled networking, occassionally both. Mrs M isn't too pleased when everything is on at once (quote "why do you have to log on to a domain now?" unquote - sheeesh, she knew what I was like when I married her!).

Anyhow, mezza chrimbo to you and yours, I gotta head into work and look after the kids, sorry - staff!

[emma5721]

36) Data falls in love with the replicator

coooeh i love a romance lol

[sludgeguts]

Bones McCoy can get through an episode without comparing himself to something or other ...

"I'm a doctor not a..."

One episode he had to help a pregnant alien (who just happened to look perfectly human) climb up a rocky hillside. He said "I'm a doctor, not an escalator"