Flu Bugs of the Zodiac
Flu Bugs of the Zodiac
ARIES is the first sign and therefore likely to get the flu before everyone else. Being a FIRE, Aries is likely to get a fever and hallucinate being in the intimate care of cute doctors and nubile candy stripers. It could be that what Aries has is not a cold, it's another case of spring fever.
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TAURUS gets the flu and stays in bed feeling lethargic, but they do that anyway, so it's hard to tell when a Taurus is sick. Being the possessive type, when Taurians do catch colds, they refuse to share it. A Taurian sore throat can often be cured with cream brandy.
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GEMINI rules the hands and arms, and is known for their good sense of humor. It's easy to spot a Gemini with the flu. They're the ones who are coughing and sneezing and waving their arms in the air. When there's someting funny going around, Gemini is sure to catch it.
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CANCER lucks out when it comes to the flu. Cancer rules the home, food and strong women. Whenever a Cancer gets the flu, a powerful, beautiful goddess type bring them miso soup, chicken noodle soup and the like.
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LEO is a proud and dramatic sign. When a Leo gets the flu it has to be worse than everyone else's. Leos make a big show of their ill condition.
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VIRGO is the sign most concerned with health. Naturally Virgos are always fighting the flu with home remedies, enjoying herbal enemas and the like.
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LIBRA is the sign of partnership, and give and take. Libra catches a cold from their partner and then they give it back. Often they're stuck in an endless loop with a "love bug."
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SCORPIO is a willful sign. They say, "I don't get colds," and they don't. They only get the most deadly flu viruses, and that's just to prove that it can't kill them. Since Scorpio rules the "secret parts," they're the ones most likely to make a game of checking with a rectal thermometer.
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SAGITTARIUS is an international sign, most likely to catch the Hong Kong flu and other important strains. Being philosophical, they catch "travel bugs" and the flu at school where they're trying to "know it all."
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CAPRICORN is a serious and professional sign. When they catch the flu, they must see a doctor. Since Capricorn rules the knees, no physical exam is complete without the little hammer testing their reflexes.
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AQUARIUS is high tech and avant-garde. They prefer to catch computer viruses and flu symptoms that no one else has ever heard of.
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PISCES is a WATER sign and a bit of a martyr. When Pisces catches a cold, it features a prominent runny nose and a public display of suffering. If Pisceans insist on blaming themselves for getting sick, ask them if they need a good turn over the lap for an old-fashioned bare bottom spanking!
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