Clean Humor Thread

[RatDog]

We took my sons, ages seven and five, up to Friendship Park for a picnic.

My seven year old read the sign with the playground rules to his brother.

"Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion."

"Go down the slide while sitting, only."

"Only one child on a swing at a time."

(There were a good twenty rules.)

The boys promised to obey them if I would let them play without Daddy
standing by. So, I joined my wife at the picnic table.

Just before it was time to eat, I went over and watched them play.
They were obeying the rules, that is, all but one. On the tall
semicircular slide, they were coming down head first!

I took them over to the posted regulations. We read them, again. I
asked the boys what they had to say for themselves.

"Oh, don't be silly, Dad...no one uses the slide rule anymore!"

[RatDog]

The secret of enjoying a good wine: Open the bottle and
allow it to breathe. If it doesn't look like it's breathing,
give it mouth-to-mouth.

[cheaver]

The British Border Agency is asking the general public
to be on the lookout for a red 1951 Chevy that
they suspect is being used to smuggle illegal
immigrants from Calais to Dover, through the Channel Tunnel.

If you see the vehicle, pictured below & have reason to believe that it is the suspect vehicle, you are urged to contact your local police immediately.

[RatDog]

Too funny ! Thanks Cheavers !


New York's Kennedy International Airport, my father noticed a huge
hamburger displayed on the cover of a cafe menu.
"I'll take the 'jumbo jet,'" he told the waiter.
When the order was placed in front of him,
my father was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but ate it anyway.

"That was the 'jumbo jet?'" he asked later.

"Yeah," the waiter answered. "Went pretty fast, didn't it?"

[RatDog]

Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college
in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum
Practical Applications for Living in the Real World.

The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest,
one of my older students approached me in the hallway.

"You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday,"
he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of
interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."

[RatDog]

[RatDog]

Top 5 reasons why computers might be female . . .


5. No one but their creator understands their logic.

4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for
future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as ,
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going
to tell you."

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.



Top 5 reasons why computers might be male . . .


5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.

4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you've
established a network connection.

3. They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more
than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.

2. They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded
in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already
invested so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain
with an underpowered system.

1. They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you
have their attention.

[RatDog]

While replacing some roof tiles, my friend fell off the ladder.

His ankle broken, he called out for help and his neighbor's four-year-old came to his side.

"Don't worry," she said, disappearing into her house.

Minutes later she returned in her nurse's outfit, carrying a medical bag.

[Anniemcc2]

[Anniemcc2]