Clean Humor Thread

[RatDog]

[RatDog]

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[RatDog]

A friend of mine heard this on a pre-flight announcement from an
American Airlines pilot: "On our flight today, we will be flying at
34,000 feet. To give you an idea of how high that is, we would be
able to fly over 50 Empire state buildings stacked one on top the other.

"Our speed will be about 500 miles per hour. That is just over the
muzzle velocity of the standard military .45 pistol." "We will be
pushed along by two Pratt and Whitney JT-8D-200 turbofan engines.
While thrust to horsepower varies with altitude, the total 40,000
pounds of thrust is greater than the combined power of 10 D-9 diesel
locomotives."

"In other words, we're faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful
than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound,
and as always, your Dallas based crew stands for truth, justice, and
the AMERICAN way of life!"

[Anniemcc2]

[RatDog]

[Anniemcc2]

[Anniemcc2]

[Anniemcc2]

The Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show.

[RatDog]

After earning my degree in broadcast journalism, I was fortunate to land a job as a disc jockey at a top-rated local radio station.

One day before work, I stopped by my parents' house, where my mother was chatting with some friends. She introduced me to everyone and proudly mentioned that I had my own radio show.

"How is it having a son who's a popular radio personality?" asked one friend.
"It's wonderful!" Mom replied with glee. "For the first time in his life, I can turn him off whenever I please."

[RatDog]

"You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife.

"While you're shopping, I'll just browse in the hardware store."

An hour later, she returned and saw him at the checkout counter.
The clerk was ringing up the last of a pile of tools and supplies that
would fill two wheelbarrows.

"Are you buying all this?" his wife asked incredulously.

"Well, yes," he said, embarrassed.

Then waving his arm toward the interior of the store,
he added, "But look at all the stuff I'm leaving behind."