Clean Humor Thread

[RatDog]

The wife was was determined to ride her exercise bike several miles a day.

Late one night, having put it off all day, she climbed aboard the
noisy contraption in the bedroom, where her husband was reading a book.

After about 20 minutes of listening to the squeaky machine, he glanced up.

"Don't you think it's time you turned around and headed for home?" he asked.

[RatDog]

[RatDog]

When I phoned my employee to find out why she hadn't come to the
office, I expected to hear a sob story about how sick she was, blah,
blah, blah. Instead, her excuse was pretty plausible.

"When I was driving to work, I took a wrong turn," she explained.
"And then I just decided to keep going."

[RatDog]

Lecture:
The art of transferring information from
the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of the students without passing
through the minds of either.

[RatDog]

Travelling from the East Coast to Oregon, I was looking forward to
sampling seafood from the Pacific Ocean.

At a small open-air restaurant, I selected the clam chowder.

"Is it fresh?" I asked the waitress.

"Oh yes," she replied.

"We opened the can just this morning."

[RatDog]

[RatDog]

I'm not into exercising.

Yesterday my wife said, "Let's walk around the block."

I said, "Why? We're already here."

[HerMajesty]

Funny! Love the fish and chips, and the shoes in line!!!

[RatDog]

A teenager rode his mini-bike to a gas station and got off.

"I'll need about a pint of gas," he said to the attendant, "and a few
ounces of oil for the motor."

"Certainly sir," the attendant said, "and would you like me to
cough into your tires?"

[Oldandintheway]

A ringer from a huge cattle station in outback Australia appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the ringer offered. “Once, on a trip to the backblocks of Broken Hill out in NSW, I came across a gang of bikies who were threatening a young Sheila. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed bikie and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground.”

I yelled, “Now back off!! Or I’ll kick the sh#t outa the lot of ya’s!”

St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?” he asked.

“Just a couple a minutes ago…..”