Clean Humor Thread

[RatDog]

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see
the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind
telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter
has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!'

'Nonsense,' the doctor said...'Even though you and your
wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have
contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our
families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often
do you have sex?"

The man seemed a bit ashamed. 'I've been working very hard
for the past year. We only made love once or twice every
few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently...

"It's rust ."

[RatDog]

2 New Words :

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.

Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

[RatDog]

Babysitting

I was not thrilled with the idea of letting my clueless 13-year-old
son babysit his younger brothers, even though he begged me to.

"What about a fire?" I asked, referring to my No. 1 concern.

"Mom," he said, rolling his eyes, "I'm a Boy Scout. I know how to
start a fire."

[RatDog]

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His
nephew asked him what happened.

"You know what a foreman is?" Uncle Joe asked.

"The one who stands around and watches the other men work?"
the nephew asked. "What's that got to do with it?"

"Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained.

"Everyone thought I was the foreman."

[RatDog]

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to
an afternoon high near 190 F. The kitchen will turn hot and
humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a
knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation
of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift
across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots
on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for
the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the
beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and
taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34 F in the
refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat
sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be
expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered
soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup
develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as
the only wish left will be the bone.


Have a Safe and Happy Thanksgiving !

[RatDog]

ripped from the web - Enjoy

[HerMajesty]

Priceless!!

[RatDog]

At a convention of biological scientists, one prominent
researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that in our
lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our
experiments?"

"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"

"Well, for three reasons.
First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful.
Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them.
And third, there are some things even a rat won't do."

[Anniemcc2]

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The tired salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and whispers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's spherical objects.'

[HerMajesty]