Clean Humor Thread

[RatDog]

Good One !

[RatDog]

"The agriculture department says we now have the smallest
cattle population in 60 years.

That shows you how fat we're getting.

We're close to putting cows on the endangered species list."

-Jay Leno

[RatDog]

A recent survey found that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

[RatDog]

Hallmark Submission Failure


My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat.

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!"

[RatDog]

A bungling burglar has been arrested after he left his mobile phone on charge at the house of one of his victims.

The man was disturbed while rifling through rooms in the house in Washington DC and jumped out of a window to escape .

Police searched the house later and were surprised to find a cell phone, that didn't belong to anyone at the house, charging in a socket.

Officers called one of the numbers in his contacts, told them the phone owner had been involved in an accident and asked for his name.

Which led to the 25 year old man being arrested and later charged with ten burglaries.

[HerMajesty]

Humor AND revenge..............love it!

[RatDog]

I don't exercise.
I'm in the Fitness
Protection Program.

[RatDog]

Upon interviewing for the iron ore mines, the foreman told the Paddy
he first had to take a math test.

The foreman felt pretty sure that Paddy would fail.

Here 's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using
numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" Paddy says. "Dat is easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says Paddy.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the
same rules, but this time the number is 99."

Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that
he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.

" ' Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree,
and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Paddy so he
says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the
number 100."

Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again
and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, " 'Ere
you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"

Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree,
and says, "A little dog come along and poop by each tree. So now you
got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and
a turd, which make one hundred..... “

[RatDog]

NewlyWed Poem

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
And was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.

[RatDog]

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a
colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.

"There are three doctors there already."