Clean Humor Thread

[RatDog]

Diets are hard - today I had cupcakes without sprinkles.

[NuttyKrafts]

I would like to share an experience about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known
to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather
nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before.
I took a bus home.

Sure enough, I passed a police roadblock but as it was a bus they waved it past.



I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it!

[HerMajesty]

You guys crack me up!! Thanks for the grins!

[suesjools]

LMAO! Keep up the good work.

Best wishes for many sales to all,

[RatDog]

On my birthday I was cutting the lawn when my teenage son
came home from a baseball practice.

Seeing me behind the mower,he exclaimed, "Oh, Dad, you shouldn't have to mow the lawn
on your birthday."

Touched, I was about to turn the mower over to him when he added, "Wait until tomorrow."

[RatDog]

Kid's Kitchen Terminology

Boil : The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck"
before a food is even tasted.

Casserole : Combination of favourite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.

Dessert : The reason for eating a meal.

Evaporate : Magic trick performed by children when
it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.

Fruit : A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.

Refrigerator : A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when
not being used as an art gallery.

Soda : Shake 'N Spray

Table Leg : Percussion instrument

[RatDog]

English phrase / Chinese Interpretation

Are you harboring a fugitive? / Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P. / Kum Hia Nao

I bumped into a coffee table. / Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift. / Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here. / Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet. / Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone. / No Pah King

You are not very bright. / Yu So Dum

They have arrived. / Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight. / Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile. / Wa Shing Ka

[HerMajesty]

Very good! Thanks for the grins!

[RatDog]

Very good! Thanks for the grins!

Your Very Welcome .
Glad You Enjoy ' m .

[RatDog]

When NASA first planned to send up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $1.2 billion
to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater,
on almost any surface including glass, and at temperatures ranging from
below freezing to +300 C.

Confronted with the same problem, the Canadians used a pencil.