Clean Humor Thread

[RatDog]

We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church,
and several former pastors and the bishop were in attend-
ance.

At one point, our minister had the children gather at
the altar for a talk about the importance of the day.

He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"

Silence followed.

Finally, one little boy answered , "He's the one you can move diagonally."

[RatDog]

We recently had a guest speaker at our church. He is from
India, part of an organization that our church supports.

Before he started his sermon, he asked if anyone had called
any customer support numbers recently.

When several people in the congregation raised their hands,
he said,

"That's good. That means you won't have too much trouble
understanding my accent."

[RatDog]

Groom-to-be to his fiancee: "$6,800 for a dress that's only
going to be worn ONCE? What's up with THAT?!"

"Who says it's only going to be worn once?"

"Oh? You're planning to get married again? Gee, thanks."

"That's not what I meant."

"You know you can't wear white the second time, anyway."

"No, but I do hope to have a daughter. She'll wear it on her
wedding day. And she'll have a daughter who will wear it on
her wedding day. And her daughter will wear it on her wedding
day. It will become a family heirloom."

"I'll bet your mother never bought such an extravagant dress."

"Oh yeah? Well, she did too, smarty!"

"Then why don't you wear hers?"

"Who wants to get married in THAT old thing?"

[RatDog]

A farmer wins the million dollar lottery and is being interviewed.

He is asked what he is going to do with all the money.

"Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills"

"And what about the rest?", the reporter asks.

Farmer shrugs.

"Well, I guess they'll just have to wait."

[Anniemcc2]

[RatDog]

I Like that !

Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?

A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met

[RatDog]

That's me .

[RatDog]

We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my
wife pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I'll have the 24."

"Honey," I whispered, "that's the price, not the meal number."

"Oh," she said.

"In that case give me the 12."

[RatDog]

"Well, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world. What's
the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies!"

"Oh, it was my wife's idea."

"Your wife?"

"Yeah," answers Ted, "She thought I should spend more time with the kids."

[dogsetc]

Love this