Clean Humor Thread

[RatDog]

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge.

The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now
trailing the visitors by a touchdown and a field goal.

When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor,
the home quarterback blew his top.

"How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed.

"You were wrong on the out-of-bounds call, you were wrong on that last holding call, and you failed to say anything about a late hit in the first quarter."

The official just stared.

The quarterback seethed, but he tried to suppress language that might
get him tossed out of the game.

"What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that YOU STINK!"

The official stared a few more seconds.

He then bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down.

He turned to face the steaming quarterback.

"And how do I smell from here?" he asked.

[billsstamps]

I know someone who started a Self-Help group for Flea Bites.

He did it all on his own, starting from scratch.

[RatDog]

I know someone who started a Self-Help group for Flea Bites.

He did it all on his own, starting from scratch.

Good One !

[RatDog]

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They never get the house.

[harold69]

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
Appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
Right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end,
Someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those
Who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and
He will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
Twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

[harold69]

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University .













Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.













The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it!













1.This is this cat.






2.This is is cat.






3. This is how cat.






4.This is to cat.






5. This is keep cat.






6.This is an cat.






7. This is old cat.






8. This is fart cat.






9. This is busy cat.






10. This is for cat.






11.This is forty cat.






12. This is seconds cat.













Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.






I bet you cannot resist passing it on..

[RatDog]

Whatta Hoot ! Thanks for sharing .

[Cocksparrer]

Clean humor, I best get the flannel

[RatDog]

Clean humor, I best get the flannel

' best get the flannel ' ? ? ?

As a young lawyer working on my first big case, I was sitting in
Federal District Court watching a prominent attorney question a
witness.
The attorney was trying, unsuccessfully, to elicit certain
information. Finally the judge turned to the witness and asked a
question that prompted the appropriate response.

"Thank you, your Honour," the attorney said.
"How is it that you were able to get to the crux of the matter with one question after I had
tried three times?"

"I'm not paid by the hour " replied the judge."

[RatDog]

A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled
upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"

Shouting back, the woman replies,

"For crying out loud, I've been telling you for the last
half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!"