Clean Humor Thread

[billsstamps]

Is this what you would call clean humour?

Cold Water Cleaning
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV the old man shouted ...

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN

[sucadot]

lol! More clean humour

A devout man dies and goes to heaven. He finds himself standing before God, who has Jesus at His right side. There is also a man in overalls with a mop bucket next to God on the left. Perplexed, he asks this man who he is.
The janitor replies, "I'm cleanliness."

[RatDog]

Thanksgiving Weather Forecast

In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters.

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an
afternoon high near 190F.

The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates.

Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots
on the other.

Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area,with increased stuffiness around the beltway.

During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established.

Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50
percent chance of scattered soup late in the day.

We expect a warming trend where soup develops.

By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

[RatDog]

A couple of F-15's are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are
chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time.

Talk comes around to the relative merits of their respective aircraft.

The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of
their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth,and
pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I
can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about."

Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continue to fly straight
and level...


After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air, "There!
How was that?"

The fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, and
got a cup of coffee."

[HerMajesty]

SUPERB jokes!! thanks!

[RatDog]

SUPERB jokes!! thanks!

Your All Very Welcome - Enjoy .

[buttons-and-bows]

We are, I read every one, Thanks

[RatDog]

Because I was processing my first accident report at the transportation company where I worked, I was being particularly attentive.

The driver had hit a deer on the highway,
and the result was a severely damaged hood and fender.

My serious mood was broken, however, when I reached the section of the report that asked,
"Speed of other vehicle?"

The driver had put "Full gallop."

[billsstamps]

I think this must be clean humour

Attachment 27384

[UniquenMornique]

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Dr
Dr who?
Erm Erm I can't remember LOL


Well it is clean LOL x