Clean Humor Thread

[FalonTowers]

[Mandart]

[Mandart]

[booksntings]

A man walks into a watering hole with a large box and takes a seat at the bar. The bartender, curious, asks, “What’s in the box?”

The man says, “I’ll show you if you get me a free beer.”

So the bartender gets the man a beer. The man drinks it, then pulls out a minuscule little man and a matching piano. The little man promptly starts playing the little piano.

“Hey, that’s pretty cool,” the bartender says. “Where did you get that?”

The man says, “I’ll tell you if you get me another beer.”

So the bartender gets the man another beer. The man drinks it. “I got it from a genie in a lamp,” he finally reveals.

Fully invested now, the bartender says, “If you let me borrow that lamp, I’ll give you another beer.”

“Sure!” the man answers. The bartender gets him another beer, and the man hands the bartender the lamp.

The bartender rubs the lamp and sure enough, a genie pops out.

“You are now my master,” the genie announces. “I will grant you one wish. What will it be?”

The bartender immediately says, “I wish for a million bucks!”

All of a sudden, a million ducks start flying into the room.

“What the heck is this!” screams the bartender, attempting to chase them out. “I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The man, still sitting at the bar, responds, “Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”

[FalonTowers]

Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, .....
Rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens.......
"That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the man. "These are my khakis".

[FalonTowers]

[FalonTowers]

BBQ RULES:
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
( THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

[sucadot]

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colourful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.

The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a gorgeous topless woman came walking straight towards them. They tried not to stare, but the temptation was strong.

As the woman passed them, she smiled and said, “Good Morning, Fathers.” They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went to a store on the island and bought garish Hawaiian shirts, Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while the same gorgeous woman, topless again, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said “Good morning, Fathers.”

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, “Young lady, we are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'

She replied, “Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.”

[FalonTowers]

I went into the electrical shop and said to the guy, "I need a battery so I can tell the time"

He said "is it for a clock"

I said "I don't know, that's why I need the battery"

[FalonTowers]