Clean Humor Thread

[bluebedouin]

I have a friend who's a pilot for EasyJet, but because of this lockdown, he's off work,
So l asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he's at a loose end, and he jumped at the chance.
l must say, he made a lovely job of the landing.

[Mandart]

If it happened today....

[Posbear]

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation..
"He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought...
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it...)
- She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

[cambrensis]

[sucadot]

The President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?"

Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"

[bluebedouin]

[moonwitch]

Anybody know how long it takes to get hearing aids back from repair?
I posted mine 2 weeks ago, and haven't heard anything since!

[Mandart]

Hmm... I wonder...

[Posbear]

[Mandart]

Oh dear....