Clean Humor Thread

[cheaver]

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A lawyer, a priest, and a programmer are driving down a mountain when their brakes give out...
They all start screaming as the car goes faster and faster, and they start barrelling around the curves. Somehow they make it to the bottom, safe and sound. They all pile out of the car as quickly as they can.

The lawyer angrily says "We should sue the manufacturer!"

The priest falls to his knees and starts praying, "Praise be to God that we made it down alive!"

The programmer looks at the car, then at the mountain, thinks for a moment and says "Let's go back up and try to reproduce the defect!"


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[cheaver]

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The preacher laid his hands on my head and said, “Praise Jesus, today you will walk!”

"But... but I'm not paralyzed."

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”

The Hindu sadhu came and said "Beta, you will walk on your legs today."

The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”

I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

[cambrensis]

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I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

LOL!!! Beautifu!

[cambrensis]

Mary had a little lamb,
With him she'd sport and frisk.
Oh wasn't she the silly girl
Her little * ?

[cheaver]

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Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.


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[cheaver]

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During the holiday, the wife invited some friends to have dinner at home. Before the meal, the wife turned to her 6-year-old daughter and asked, "Do you want to lead prayers before meals?"

The daughter said: "I don't know what to say."

The wife enlightened: "Just say what you heard mom said before"

The daughter lowered her head and said, "Lord, why should I invite these people to dinner?"


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[sucadot]

After passing away, George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a interview with God.
God asks Bush, "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers, "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

God is impressed by Bush and tells him, "Great , come sit on the chair on my right"

Next, God asks Obama, "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers, "I believe in the power of democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc."

God is really impressed by Obama and tells him, "Well done , come sit on the chair on my left.

Finally, God asks Trump, "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers, "I believe you're sitting on my chair."

[cambrensis]

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Finally, God asks Trump, "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers, "I believe you're sitting on my chair."

An attempt to Trump the Ace?

[sucadot]

An attempt to Trump the Ace?

Nice one!

[cheaver]

An attempt to Trump the Ace?

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Great reply!


A priest and a nun are on their way back from the seminary when their car breaks down. The garage doesn't open until morning so they have to spend the night in a hotel. It only has one room available.
The priest says: "Sister, I don't think the Lord would object if we spend the night sharing this one room. I'll sleep on the sofa and you have the bed." "I think that would be fine," agrees the nun. They prepare for bed, say some prayers and settle down to sleep.

Ten minutes pass, and the nun says: "Father, I'm very cold." "OK," says the priest, "I'll get a blanket from the cupboard." Another ten minutes pass and the nun says again: "Father, I'm still terribly cold." The priest says: "Don't worry, I'll get up and fetch you another blanket." Another ten minutes pass, then the nun murmurs softly: "Father, I'm still very cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for a night." "You're right," says the priest.

"Get your own blankets."


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