Clean Humor Thread

[Anniemcc2]

[yellerbelly]

[QUOTE=sucadot;1713483]A bald friend painted rabbits on his head. They look like hares from a distance.


I have just read this one and it brought back memories of 50 years ago when I worked for a large firm as an Office Junior, I went into the print room and ask one of the men if I could draw rabbits on his head as they would look like hairs from a distance, needless to say I had to leave pretty sharpish as he chased me out laughing, all good humoured.

Here's another old one which is quite appropriate at the moment
Five surgeons are discussing what type of person makes the best patient to operate on.
The first surgeon, from Birmingham City Hospital, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Manchester royal infirmary responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is co lour coded."

The third surgeon, from Royal Edinburgh Hospital , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from a Cardiff Hospital "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from The Friage Northallerton shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the posterior are interchangeable.’d

[bluebedouin]

It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.
He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line.
It only took about a minute and WHAM! a trout hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.
This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time.
He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the boy spat into his hand and said .........

"You have to keep the worms warm!"

[EalingBob]

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[yellerbelly]

Wonder how long his flight was delayed for

[sucadot]

Dogs can't operate MRI scanners but catscan

Life without music would b flat

I call my horse Mayo and sometime Mayo neighs

Tried to grab the fog - I mist

My mood ring is missing and I don't know how I feel about that

The only thing flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself

After my friend turned vegan is was like I'd never seen herbivore

Saw a baguette at the zoo, it was bread in captivity

Our mountains aren't just funny they're hill areas

Eat more doughnuts it's the original hole food

[sucadot]

Three boys were talking together about what their father's did for a living.


Boy 1 Began by saying that his Dad wrote a few words on a piece of paper, sent them away and received £20 for them and they called it a poem.


Boy 2 Not to be outdone said that his Dad wrote a few pages of words, sent them away and received £100 and they called it a story.


Boy 3 Was full of himself and said that his Dad wrote a couple of sides of words, read them out on Sunday morning, called it a sermon and it took 6 people to go round and collect all the money.

[sucadot]

There’s gonna be a 50p coin commemorating Brexit.
It’s nearly done. They just can’t decide what to do with the border.


An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
But the Englishman wanted to leave so everybody had to.


With Britain leaving the EU how much space was created?
Exactly 1GB

[sucadot]

[sucadot]

A priest was driving and gets stopped for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, “Father, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest, fingers crossed.

The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Praise be to God! He’s done it again!”