Clean Humor Thread

[meebo1]

Thank you for the reminder. I needed that

[Oldandintheway]

[meebo1]

Are you plotting and accident?

[Oldandintheway]

Are you plotting and accident?

Could be!

[Oldandintheway]

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the abbot. The abbot said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every year." . The man agreed and joined the monastery.

After the first year, the abbot came to him and said, "What are your two words?"

"Cold food," the man replied. The abbot made sure the meals would not be cold in the future.

Another year went by and the abbot came to him and said, "What are your two words?"

"Hard bed." The abbot made sure the mattress got re-stuffed.

One more year went by and the abbot came to him and said, "What are your two words?"

"I quit." said the man.

"Well," the abbot replied, "that's probably just as well; ever since you got here, you've done nothing but complain."

[HerMajesty]

​Love the jokes you post!

[Oldandintheway]

​Love the jokes you post!

Great to hear Your Majesty!

No doubt, you'll also be glad to know that "your son" Prince Charles, was seen sampling the best wares at my most favourite factory here recently, & during his tour & visit to the Commonwealth Games.
He was last seen being poured back onto his plane heading for Cairns, in the far north of the state! (just jokin')

[Oldandintheway]

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch, and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the phone will ring.

7. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss (or your wife) will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent locker.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible especially IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet!

17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[Oldandintheway]

Guess the guilty party

[Oldandintheway]