Clean Humor Thread

[Oldandintheway]

Did somebody say they liked men in kilts

[meebo1]

That wasn't me

[Anniemcc2]

[Oldandintheway]

Tomorrows headache WILL be a doozy!

[Oldandintheway]

[Oldandintheway]

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday.
She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.”

She doesn’t believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line.
It’s a good all round combination and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”

She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!”

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

“Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.
Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”

The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
“Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did the total come to $34.50?”

He replies, “Yes, Ma’am.
The rod and reel is $20.00, but the duck call is $11.00 and the bear repellent is $3.50.”

[Oldandintheway]

[Oldandintheway]

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands.

Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

“Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any.”

“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety three.”

“Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world.”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said:

“It’s easy, I just outlived them all.”

[Oldandintheway]

New UK strip v/s Russia

[FirstGreenIsGold]

Oldandintheway ... a fellow ebidder recently contacted me and the fellow commented that he just been reading the forums and got a good laugh from your joke thread. Thanks for the laughs.