✿ Kimbo's Alternative FAQ ✿

[bykimbo]

Well…’’one day’’ bykimbo she is going to explain in ''right way'' why on eBid many has too many views for own items but not sales at least in the half of that numbers…....

Am I? What, *again*? I've probably explained how this works a hundred times already in serious posts over the years. This one's just a bit of fun. Well, it *was*...

[DZAMBO]

Yep…you explain no questions about that…but ‘’still’’ many have too many views and not that many sales…so members not follow your advices…or…? I mean we even beat eBay ‘’count’’ items views and that clearly show us many peoples visit eBid pages, search, looking but not buying that much…and what is it secret for that…our prices…?...peoples is scare to buy from here…?...I mean in here as I can see many sellers’ has perfect description for own items…picture, description, shipping prices and everything else what is supposed to be in description for own items…but after all not much avail…because count of views is too high compared for real sales…
Example: for my items I have hundreds and hundreds views for each item and ‘’finally’’ someone buy (as usual overseas buyer) and example leave me positive feedback or send me message like ‘’cheap item and cheap shipping thanks’’…and if this is a 100% true for particular member why in God sake someone not buy after only couple of views why wait couple of hundreds views...?...and this is still big ‘’mystery’’ for me and my items…I mean I not saying I not have sales I have very nice sales but compared for my listed numbers of items and my prices and my shipping prices especially for overseas buyers’ in my opinion I should sell about a 30 items each day just like that because even after that the buyers will not spend much personal own money if buy from me that many items…I mean as can I see from my count of views for my items that not should be problem because people check my items daily but not buying that much…I just don’t see what is the problem…if someone buy example from me 30 items in one time but after that ‘’other’’ visitors for my items don’t follow that person often and buy each day…In the end I don’t need to push hard my visitors of my items but if I can sell example a 30 my items for one of each the buyer and if only 4 more peoples follow him that would be a 150 cheap items each day and even after that each the buyer will not have to spend too much money and I will be happy even after that…if I can make sales in that numbers each day surely after each day I can list again a 100 new items to keep numbers of my items pretty much available for my buyers’…Well…is still pretty much mystery for me why hundreds and hundreds of views but not much sales to follow that numbers of views…I not going to ‘’cry’’ but this how it is for about numbers of views against numbers of sales from my point of view…but is still very big mystery…...

P.S. Good night my fellow eBiders...one more sales for me from previous day...only 1...and ''of course'' again overseas buyer...

[cheaver]

Kimbo's Alternative FAQ

Q. Does anything ever sell on eBid?
A. No. Due to a strange configuration of wormholes in eBid Towers it is only possible to buy items, not sell them. This being the case you might as well give up now and just buy things. You are welcome to start with mine.

Q. Why do the PSU listing figures keep going up and down?
A. They're tidal. If you check the numbers when eBid's tide is out, the total will be much lower. If you look when eBid Towers is exactly in line with the sun this is a "spring tide" and it will be lowest of all. Come back later, it looks better at high tide.

Q. Why does eBid keep taking money from my account for my subscription?
A. eBid has been really sneaky here - they have used a meaning of subscription that is defined exactly as "subscription", thus sneaking a subscription past you by disguising it as merely a subscription. Clever, or wot?

Q. Why haven't I seen any advertisements for eBid?
A. They are invisible. eBid has a massive multi-million pound advertising budget, but they don't like to be brash, being English gentlemen of the the first water, so they have insisted on all adverts being invisible. Anywhere you see a blank space there is probably an eBid banner there.

Q. I haven't sold anything, what am I doing wrong?
A. Everything. Hope that helps. Have a nice day.


Q. Why-do-my-titles*get_split-into?chunks?eBid*WOW-puts-in-spaces-L@@K-that-are*not*supposed*to-be-there!
A. That's because eBid management are not insane.

Q. Why can't I put an auction start price on my item?
A. There are certain rituals you must follow in order to set an auction start price (as opposed to fixed price). 1. You must recite out loud "I implore the gods of eBid to look favourably upon my auction start price, all hail the eBid gods". 2. You must wear at least one piece of purple clothing and one of green. 3. You must stand and turn widdershins three times, while holding your left arm up with the fist clenched to look like an auctioneer's gavel. 4. You must de-select "run till sold".

Q. Why can't I see a thumbnail picture on my auctions?
A. The first 10 auctions you start with a thumbnail the pictures are displayed on www.hotchickswithnodrawerson.com in case you have accidentally selected the wrong pictures from your hard drive.

Q. My buyer hasn't paid, what can I do?
A. Do not send the item. Do not leave positive feedback. Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200.

Q. Why is lifetime membership half the price in US compared to the price in UK?
A. Because the US is so much smaller than the UK. You could fit the whole of the US into West Sussex. If you moved West Sussex out of the way first, of course. There are only six people in the whole of America, and they share a computer. This being the case, it wouldn't be fair to charge them the full price.

Q. Where's my free t-shirt?
A. In the wash.

Q. I need to talk to somebody at eBid, how do I contact them?
A. There are two main methods. 1. Try screaming in the forums. Stamp your feet. Declare the site to be complete rubbish, the owners crooks, and theaten them with your invisible lawyer - that usually works pretty well. If that fails then... 2. Invest in a ouija board, and remember it's *one* knock for no, *two* for yes. Don't get those confused.

Anything else you want to know, just ask. ;o)

1st time I have read this thread too - should have clicked on it a long time ago! What an absolute hoot! Thank You for the laughs Kim !

[Anniemcc2]

What Cheaver said

[DZAMBO]

She explains in serious way and funny way….but doesn’t matter what….I think no one can explain big mystery…..why we have that many views and not much buyers even in half of that numbers…ahhhh…let’s just say 30% of that numbers of views…..and I say again we even beat eBay numbers of views count so not anymore me or anybody else can say peoples from outside don’t visit eBay listed items…BUT if In other way that numbers of views produce ‘’only’’ people who is already members in here and that mean mostly the sellers’ I think after that this is ‘’A whole new ball game’’….....

[cheaver]

Please don't keep trying to drag this thread down dzambo - your views are plentiful on other threads so no need to keep repeating.
This thread is really hilarious and should stay so in my opinion

[bykimbo]

Please don't keep trying to drag this thread down dzambo - your views are plentiful on other threads so no need to keep repeating.
This thread is really hilarious and should stay so in my opinion

Thanks.

[Gothicina]

Please don't keep trying to drag this thread down dzambo - your views are plentiful on other threads so no need to keep repeating.
This thread is really hilarious and should stay so in my opinion

[CarnoustieCats]

Q. Where's my free t-shirt?
A. In the wash.



... this one always pushes me over the edge from giggling to hysterics - it cracks me up every time!!!!

[moonwitch]

"Q. Why haven't I seen any advertisements for eBid?
A. They are invisible. eBid has a massive multi-million pound advertising budget, but they don't like to be brash, being English gentlemen of the the first water, so they have insisted on all adverts being invisible. Anywhere you see a blank space there is probably an eBid banner there."

This should be posted as a reply every time that anyone asks about Ebid advertising