✿ Kimbo's Alternative FAQ ✿

[Huddylion]

I clicked it i'm here home alone wifey and my little princess in the states

[sunshinecollection]

when is the book out? hehehe......

[Anniemcc2]

I love it. Now I am crying

Missed this first time round - I can see it answers all recent queries ....................

[derene8187]

Kimbo's Alternative FAQ

Q. Does anything ever sell on eBid?
A. No. Due to a strange configuration of wormholes in eBid Towers it is only possible to buy items, not sell them. This being the case you might as well give up now and just buy things. You are welcome to start with mine.

Q. Why do the PSU listing figures keep going up and down?
A. They're tidal. If you check the numbers when eBid's tide is out, the total will be much lower. If you look when eBid Towers is exactly in line with the sun this is a "spring tide" and it will be lowest of all. Come back later, it looks better at high tide.

Q. Why does eBid keep taking money from my account for my subscription?
A. eBid has been really sneaky here - they have used a meaning of subscription that is defined exactly as "subscription", thus sneaking a subscription past you by disguising it as merely a subscription. Clever, or wot?

Q. Why haven't I seen any advertisements for eBid?
A. They are invisible. eBid has a massive multi-million pound advertising budget, but they don't like to be brash, being English gentlemen of the the first water, so they have insisted on all adverts being invisible. Anywhere you see a blank space there is probably an eBid banner there.

Q. I haven't sold anything, what am I doing wrong?
A. Everything. Hope that helps. Have a nice day.


Q. Why-do-my-titles*get_split-into?chunks?eBid*WOW-puts-in-spaces-L@@K-that-are*not*supposed*to-be-there!
A. That's because eBid management are not insane.

Q. Why can't I put an auction start price on my item?
A. There are certain rituals you must follow in order to set an auction start price (as opposed to fixed price). 1. You must recite out loud "I implore the gods of eBid to look favourably upon my auction start price, all hail the eBid gods". 2. You must wear at least one piece of purple clothing and one of green. 3. You must stand and turn widdershins three times, while holding your left arm up with the fist clenched to look like an auctioneer's gavel. 4. You must de-select "run till sold".

Q. Why can't I see a thumbnail picture on my auctions?
A. The first 10 auctions you start with a thumbnail the pictures are displayed on www.hotchickswithnodrawerson.com in case you have accidentally selected the wrong pictures from your hard drive.

Q. My buyer hasn't paid, what can I do?
A. Do not send the item. Do not leave positive feedback. Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200.

Q. Why is lifetime membership half the price in US compared to the price in UK?
A. Because the US is so much smaller than the UK. You could fit the whole of the US into West Sussex. If you moved West Sussex out of the way first, of course. There are only six people in the whole of America, and they share a computer. This being the case, it wouldn't be fair to charge them the full price.

Q. Where's my free t-shirt?
A. In the wash.

Q. I need to talk to somebody at eBid, how do I contact them?
A. There are two main methods. 1. Try screaming in the forums. Stamp your feet. Declare the site to be complete rubbish, the owners crooks, and theaten them with your invisible lawyer - that usually works pretty well. If that fails then... 2. Invest in a ouija board, and remember it's *one* knock for no, *two* for yes. Don't get those confused.

Anything else you want to know, just ask. ;o)

Q. Does anything ever sell on eBid? No. it is only possible to buy items

[bykimbo]

With the addition of Part 3 a while ago (the Fast Food version) and Part 4 today on my Facebook page, this has now reached a point where I thought it should all be in one place. It's a bit rough and ready, but you can get there via my Widgets Blog.

[meebo1]

Oh, Kim, are we really that bad?

[bykimbo]

Oh, Kim, are we really that bad?

None of the regulars are implicated.

[meebo1]

I do remember asking what now seem to be stupid questions

[bykimbo]

I do remember asking what now seem to be stupid questions

That's okay, I only need to go back a few hours to find examples of giving stupid answers!!

[bluebedouin]

"a snuf fit you"