Precious (Warning this is a funny)

[ejean9]

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp ...
... , between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeepers heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you mean a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute bwown wabbit over there?"
She in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees and says, in a tiny, quiet voice,






"I don't think mt pet python weally gives a thit."

[ejean9]

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!
I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of
bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[ejean9]

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.

[PATRIOT73]

prefer the shower

[ejean9]

prefer the shower

now there is a surprise

[madelaine]

I love the "prescription"

[PATRIOT73]

A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday.
He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life,
that is, until the ship sank.
He found himself on an island with no other people,
no supplies, nothing, only bananas, coconuts and the few fish that he managed to catch.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore on a boat.
In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'
She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island.
I landed here when my cruise ship sank a few months ago.'
'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a rowing boat wash up with you.'
'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman.
'I made this boat out of raw materials that I found on the other side of the island..
There's lots of wood, palms and vines.
'But, where did you get the tools?'
'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman.
'I found a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock. I used that for tools.
The guy is stunned.'Let's row over to my place,' she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is stone walkway leading to an exquisite hut painted in yellow and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually,
'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you,' he mumbles, still dazed. 'I can't take any more coconut juice.'
'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I've managed to ferment some alcohol.
How would you like a Pina Colada?'
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces,
'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a lovely fountain outside and I've made a razor out of tortoise bone..
'No longer surprised by anything, the man goes to shower and shave.
'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'Whatever will it be next?
'When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him,
'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now,
something you've been longing for?'
She stares provocatively into his eyes ...
He swallows excitedly and tears start to well-up in his eyes..........
..Don't tell me you've got the sports channel?
* * * * * * * * *

[ejean9]

Lol..Jay..i like it..

[ejean9]

lol lol

[PATRIOT73]

lol lol

thorf ud like that 1.......not far from truth eh