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Thread: Clean Humor Thread

  1. #941

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

    The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

    When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.

    The barber replied, “Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does”.

  2. #942

  3. #943

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

    Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this manoeuvre, she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”

    “Sure it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

  4. #944
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    The top 15 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe -

    1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

    2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

    3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

    4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

    5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

    6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

    7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

    8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

    9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

    10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

    11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

    12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

    13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

    14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

    15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
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