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Thread: Clean Humor Thread

  1. #911
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Eleven people – ten men and one woman – were hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

    They all decided that one person should let go, because if someone didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die.

    No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men and not receiving anything in return.

    When she finished speaking, all the men started cheering and clapping.


  4. #914
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    A man and his wife were travelling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them.
    When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said, "I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."
    The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car."
    The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"
    She replied, "Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    As a former Plumber & Drainer, I can tell you that this is way beyond the call of duty!

    You always take your shirt off first!


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  7. #917
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Reaching the end of the job interview, the Human Resources person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”

    The candidate responded confidently, “In the neighbourhood
    of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

    The HR person said, “Well, what would you say to a benefits
    package of five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical
    and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50 percent of salary,
    and a company car leased every two years – say a red Corvette.”

    The graduate sat up, mouth agape and said, “Wow! Are you kidding me?”

    The interviewer chuckled and said, “Of course, but you started it!”

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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    A group of 12 women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

    Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

    The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband "I love you, sweetheart."

    Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with another woman and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

    Below are 12 actual replies from their husbands. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?


    1. Who the hell is this?
    2. Hey, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
    3. Yeah, and I love you too. …..What's wrong?
    4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
    5. I don't understand what you mean?
    6. What the hell did you do now?
    7. Are you sure this is for me?
    8. Don't beat about the bush,… just tell me how much you need?
    9. Am I dreaming?
    10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
    11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
    12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

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