Clean Humor Thread

[Oldandintheway]

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake.

[Oldandintheway]

I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you".
She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?"
I replied: "It's me talking to the beer".

[Anniemcc2]

[Oldandintheway]

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

[Oldandintheway]

I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show......

[Oldandintheway]

I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge, should have seen his face light up when he opened it

[Oldandintheway]

Happy St. Paddy's Day

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.

The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

“Would you look at that!” says the first Irishman.

“Didn’t I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth then a rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside.

“Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!”

They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi, when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

“Ah, now dat’s sad.” says the third Irishman.

“One of the girls must have died.”

[Oldandintheway]

Civilization in 2017- this is priceless!!!

WELCOME to 2017
� Our Phones - Wireless
� Cooking - Fireless
� Cars - Keyless
� Food - Fatless
� Tires -Tubeless
� Dress - Sleeveless
� Youth - Jobless
� Leaders - Shameless
� Relationships - Meaningless
� Attitudes - Careless
� Babies - Fatherless
� Feelings - Heartless
� Education - Valueless
� Children – Mannerless

We are-SPEECHLESS,
Government-is CLUELESS,
And our Politicians-are WORTHLESS!
I'm scared – Sh#*less!

[Oldandintheway]

I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with 2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!!

[Oldandintheway]

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....