Home
Buy on eBid
Sell on eBid
eBid Stores
My eBid
Upgrade to Seller+ Lifetime
eBid Help
Close
Login to Your Account
eBid Community Forums - Chat & find help from others in the eBid Community
Page 5 of 200 FirstFirst 12345678910111213141555105 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 1994

Thread: Clean Humor Thread

  1. #41
    Forum Lurker
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Summerfield, Florida, United States
    View rogaz1010's Feedback (+20)
    All-About rogaz1010
    View rogaz1010's Listings
    Forum Posts
    88

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    I found this on my face book page from a friend of a friend I thought it would be cute and would fit the clean humor concept.
    I am middle aged ugh, so some of these codes could apply to some of us.

    MIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES: ATD -at the doctor. BFF -best friend fell. BTW - bring the wheelchair . BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on? LMDO -laughing my dentures out. OMMR -on my massage recliner. ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can't get up. TTYL -talk to you louder

  2. #42

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Check this out - someone has posted a ticket given to them by the local police and allegedly violating their rights. Now that someone claims the ticket is a collectible item and tries to sell it on Craigslist. LOL

    For some reason, I couldn't get the link to work, so here's a copy & paste of the whole ad. Sorry.

    Gave Lyndhurst Cops Middle Finger. Ticket I got for sale - $100

    Date: 2011-08-05, 3:21PM EDT
    Reply to: sale-nhgym-2531778574@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

    I got a ticket from a Sgt. in Lyndhurst in 2009, for flipping him the middle finger. This is NOT against the law, and is protected under our 1st Amendment rights. The ORIGINAL ticket clearly states I was charged with a 4th degree misdemeanor for holding up my middle finger to the Sgt. Lyndhurst knew I could not be issued a citation for this, cause it is not against the law, so they withdrew these charges, and made up some new ones, and issued me a new citation.

    What I have for sale here, is the ORIGINAL, pink copy of my Lyndhurst ticket, stating I was charged with giving the cop the middle finger. Long story, but he deserved it !

    The city of Lyndhurst knew they were so screwed, that they took 1 1/2 years to bring this matter to court. My Attorney's from The ACLU, and I wanted our day in court with a jury trial. Lyndhurst would drop the charges against me, IF I signed a waiver stating I would not sue the city of Lyndhurst, or the 7 or 8 cops involved. This is what I opted to do, even though a similar case in Pittsburgh, netted a innocent citizen $50k, and I would have easily been successful in Court.

    This is a collector's item. When do you see a ticket for giving a cop the middle finger ? If there is no action for this on CL, I might sell it on Ebay.

    By the way, how many of you read about this in the PD or Sun ??? Isn't a local Police Dept. violating someones 1st amendment right newsworthy ??? The ACLU thought so !

    This is a copy of the ticket, with my name and address blacked out. You will get the original pink police issued ticket, with no black outs. Besides it is Public Record !


    Name:  cup_of_LOL.gif
Views: 159
Size:  67.3 KB
    Last edited by OvertheRainbow4U; 6th August 2011 at 02:10 AM. Reason: messed up

  3. #43
    Forum Diehard RatDog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Eldon, Missouri, United States
    View RatDog's Feedback (+191)
    All-About RatDog
    View RatDog's Listings
    Forum Posts
    1,109

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Money isn't everything....
    there's credit cards, money orders,
    and travelers checks.

  4. #44
    Forum Saint suesjools's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, United States
    View suesjools's Feedback (+586)
    All-About suesjools
    View suesjools's Listings
    Forum Posts
    16,704

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    LOL! Love this thread.

    Best wishes for many sales to all,

  5. #45

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RatDog View Post
    Money isn't everything....
    there's credit cards, money orders,
    and travelers checks.

    Also.....

    "Money isn't everything"..... but it does keep you in touch with your children.....

    Ollie.

  6. #46
    Forum Diehard RatDog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Eldon, Missouri, United States
    View RatDog's Feedback (+191)
    All-About RatDog
    View RatDog's Listings
    Forum Posts
    1,109

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    "When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?"

    "I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: 'I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.'"

    "What did you do?"

    "What else? I unfriended him of course!"

  7. #47
    Forum Diehard RatDog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Eldon, Missouri, United States
    View RatDog's Feedback (+191)
    All-About RatDog
    View RatDog's Listings
    Forum Posts
    1,109

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an
    activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him
    an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up
    and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

    The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it
    up.

    "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my
    wife would do it?" the husband asked.

    "Exactly," replied the instructor.

    The man turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for
    me."

  8. #48
    Forum Diehard
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Miramichi, New Brunswick, Canada
    View islandbuckman's Feedback (+192)
    All-About islandbuckman
    View islandbuckman's Listings
    Forum Posts
    417

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    The Older Crowd


    A distraught senior citizen
    phoned her doctor's office.
    'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
    'that the medication
    you prescribed has to be taken
    for the rest of my life?'
    'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
    There was a moment of silence
    before the senior lady replied,
    I'm wondering, then,
    just how serious is my condition
    because this prescription is marked
    'NO REFILLS'....'



    An older gentleman was
    on the operating table
    awaiting surgery
    and he insisted that his son,
    a renowned surgeon,
    perform the operation.
    As he was about to get the anesthesia,
    he asked to speak to his son.
    'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
    'Don't be nervous, son;
    do your best
    and just remember,
    if it doesn't go well,
    if something happens to me,
    your mother
    is going to come and
    live with you and your wife....'




    Aging:
    Eventually you will reach a point
    when you stop lying about your age
    and start bragging about it.


    The older we get,
    the fewer things
    seem worth waiting in line for.



    Some people
    try to turn back their odometers.
    Not me!
    I want people to know 'why'
    I look this way.
    I've traveled a long way
    and some of the roads weren't paved..


    When you are dissatisfied
    and would like to go back to youth,
    think of algebra.




    You know you are getting old when
    everything either dries up or leaks.


    One of the many things
    no one tells you about aging
    is that it is such a nice change
    from being young.



    Ah, being young is beautiful,
    but being old is comfortable.



    First you forget names,
    then you forget faces.

    then you forget to pull up your zipper.
    It's worse when
    you forget to pull it down....


    Long ago
    when men cursed
    and beat the ground with sticks,
    it was called witchcraft....
    today, it's called golf.


    Two old guys
    are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart

    when they collide.

    The first old guy says to the second guy,
    'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
    and I guess I wasn't paying attention
    to where I was going.The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence..
    I'm looking for my wife, too..'
    I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'
    The first old guy says, 'Well,
    maybe I can help you find her..
    What does she look like?'
    The second old guy says,
    'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
    with red hair, blue eyes, long legs,
    and is wearing short shorts..
    What does your wife look like?'
    To which the first old guy says,'Doesn't matter,
    --- let's look for yours.'



    Lord,
    please keep Your arm around my shoulder,
    and, Your hand over my mouth!

  9. #49
    Forum Diehard RatDog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Eldon, Missouri, United States
    View RatDog's Feedback (+191)
    All-About RatDog
    View RatDog's Listings
    Forum Posts
    1,109

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Good Housekeeping

    It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

    Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

    Never make fried chicken in the nude.

    Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

    Make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later start all over again.

    To hang up more clothes buy bigger door knobs.

    Sweep the room with a glance.

    Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

    Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.

    When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

  10. #50
    Forum Saint
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Woolmar, Queensland, Australia
    View Oldandintheway's Feedback (+385)
    All-About Oldandintheway
    View Oldandintheway's Listings
    Forum Posts
    3,336

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    I love this quip by Phyllis Diller (remember her?) when she stated:

    She only ever cleaned the house when the cockroaches slid to their deaths on the grease in the kitchen sink!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Follow Us
New To eBid?
Register for Free