Clean Humor Thread

[bluebedouin]

Chap walked into a pub with his giraffe. They sat in the corner of the bar, it was a high ceilinged place, and started boozing. After about 7 or 8 pints the giraffe let out a huge long throated sigh, well it would wouldn't it, and collapsed on the floor in a very long heap.

The bloke jumped to his feet and got quite angry and started shouting at the giraffe and then said sod it that was the last time he was going to take the dammed thing out boozing and started to walk out of the pub!

The landlord leaped out from behind the bar and asked the bloke where he was going? The bloke replied that he was sick and tired of the thing and he was going home!

The landlord said "No! You can't go and leave that lyin there!"

The bloke looked at him with a curious look and said "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe" and walked out.

[bluebedouin]

Sometimes...when you cry, no one sees your tears.

Sometimes...when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt.

Sometimes...when you are worried, no one sees your stress.

Sometimes...when you are happy, no one sees your smile.









But fart in public just ONCE........

[bluebedouin]

I tried to get through to the tinnitus helpline earlier but it just kept ringing.

[sucadot]

A husband and wife came for counselling after 15 years of marriage.When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday's, I fish!

[Oldandintheway]

A Spanish language teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'Computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher divided the class into two groups, Male and Female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "Computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "Computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check to buy accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

[Posbear]

[Oldandintheway]

[Posbear]

[Oldandintheway]

Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

[meebo1]

I like that very much