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Thread: Clean Humor Thread

  1. #1001
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Not all Blondes are dumb!

    61 year old Joshua needed a few days off, but he knew that his boss wouldn’t approve any leave requests. He thought long and hard about what to do next, and suddenly he had an epiphany. He realized that he could pretend to be crazy – his boss was sure to think that he was so stressed out that he couldn’t hold it together anymore.

    So Joshua climbed up on his desk, grabbed one of the bars running across the ceiling and started hanging upside-down, all the while emitting a soft “bzzz” sound.

    His beautiful blonde colleague stopped in her tracks when she saw him, and asked what he was doing.

    Joshua replied, “I’m pretending to be a lamp so that the boss will think I’ve lost it and send me home.”

    After hanging there for a few minutes, his boss walked in and nearly spat out his coffee when he saw the bizarre scene.

    “Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?” his boss asked.

    Joshua replied, “I’m a light bulb.”

    His boss looked lost for words for a few seconds, then shook his head and said, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve clearly gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

    Joshua climbed down and was just about to leave, when his blonde colleague packed up her things and went to follow him.

    The boss turned to her, “And just where do you think you’re going?”

    She looked at him as if the answer was obvious, and said, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the dark.”


  2. #1002
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

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  3. #1003
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

    “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”

    “I don’t want to go, mum.”

    “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”

    “OK. The kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!”

    “Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready,” admonished the mother.

    “Give me two reasons why I should go to school,” whined the son.

    “Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the principal!”

  4. #1004
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

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  5. #1005

  6. #1006
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

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  7. #1007

    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by hurryb4itsgone View Post
    Sorry - I didn't "get" the joke

  8. #1008
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    A man is driving his car along a dirt road when the car suddenly stops for no apparent reason. The man has the hood up and is looking at the engine when he hears a voice behind him say: “It’s your carburetor. If you clean it, the car will start.”

    He looks around, but there is not a soul in sight in either direction. Then, he notices a white horse with its head over the pasture fence next to the road.

    The horse looks at him and says: “It’s your carburetor. If you clean it, the car will start.”

    The man does as he is told. He unscrews the wing-nut, takes out the carburetor and knocks it against his foot. Sure enough, a little dirt rolls and falls into the middle of the road. He gets back into th e car, and it starts immediately as soon as he turns the key in the ignition.

    He rolls down the window, and says to the horse: “Thank You.”

    “Oh, you’re very welcome.” replies the horse.

    The man keeps driving until he reaches the first pub he can find. He gets out, goes to the bar, and starts downing drinks one after the other.

    Overcome with curiosity, the bartender finally comes over and asks the man if anything is wrong.

    “Yeah, but you’d never believe if I told you,” responds the man.

    “Try me.” said the bartender.

    “Well, my car stopped out on this road. I had the hood up, and I was trying to figure out what was wrong, when suddenly I heard this voice behind me telling me that the carburetor was dirty. I looked up and down the road, but there was no one in sight. Then, I noticed a white horse with his head over the fence. It turned out that the horse was actually doing the speaking. For sure, the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!”

    “Well, you got lucky.” says the bartender.

    “Lucky? I met a talking white horse and you say I got lucky?!” says the man.

    “Yeah, you got lucky you met the white horse.” answers the bartender, “There is also a black horse in that pasture, and he doesn’t know squat about cars.”

  9. #1009
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

    The worst job I ever had was working in a factory making cowboy records. Howdy pressing!

  10. #1010
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    Default Re: Clean Humor Thread

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