Clean Humor Thread

[Oldandintheway]

[Oldandintheway]

[olivia8143]

https://www.facebook.com/Sarcasmleag...7169763808396/

[Oldandintheway]

Outta Space Party

Cool teenage Martian: “I was at a party on Mercury last night.”

His friend: “Was it any good?”

Cool teenage Martian: “No! It was really boring.”

His friend: “How come?”

Cool teenage Martian: “There was no atmosphere.”

[Oldandintheway]

[Oldandintheway]

Bob and Joanne are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public-address system, the captain announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us, and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Bob turns to his wife and asks, “Joanne, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Bob, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Joanne, did we pay our American Express card yet?”

“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.

“One last thing, Joanne. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, darling,” begs Joanne. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

Bob grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.

Joanne pulls away and asks, “What was that for?”

Bob answers, “They’ll find us!”

[Oldandintheway]

[Oldandintheway]

[Oldandintheway]

[Oldandintheway]

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”