"Wash Yer' Mouth Out With Sope" Joaks

[poppa501]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found
himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in
attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like
you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know,
you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.


Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way,
but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out!
I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room
where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."


The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,
"I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

(Gotta love that military time......)

[klj]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on the scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating lunch. The Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off too." The redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the redneck's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch."

[klj]

A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead..."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The hunter says, "OK, now what?"

[klj]

The man was immaculately dressed. Fitted out more for the Ritz than the street. But in the street he lay dressed in black tail suit, patent leather shoes, top hat and bow tie, and very dead.

'How did he get here?' asked Patrolman Muldoon.

'He threw himself off the roof,' said a bystander.

'Does anyone know the man?' said Muldoon.

'I do,' said Barrie Quinn.

'What religion is he?' asked the policeman. 'Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim?'

'None at all,' said Quinn. 'He's an atheist!'

'What a shame,' said Muldoon. 'All dressed up and nowhere to go!'

[bluebedouin]

A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead..."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The hunter says, "OK, now what?"

Someone has actually made this into a video!

[tpypr]

I have bumped this bawdy thread
so that you can renew
your dumping place for humor that
is socially askew!!!